Taylor Kaspar (00:02.86)
When everything feels chaotic, your notes will save you. Welcome back to the secret podcast. If you're here again, I already know something about you. You're not just thinking about divorce. You're thinking about how to do it right, thoughtfully, strategically, with as little chaos as possible. I'm Taylor Wins, divorce coach, divorce attorney, divorce mama for, and a co-parent in a very high conflict co-parenting situation. So when I say I know what it's like to feel like everything is spinning,
I mean it. That's why today's episode is one of the most important of the whole series. Let's talk about documentation because when everything feels out of control, your notes will be the most powerful tool you have. Here's what I want you to hear. You don't need proof in the way you might think. You do not need some smoking gun. You need patterns. That's where documentation comes in. If you're dealing with
verbal abuse, financial control, gaslighting or manipulative parenting dynamics, boundary violations, or a co-parent who plays games with schedules, money, or the kid's emotional wellbeing, then you need to start tracking it because no one believes it's that bad until they see it written down, especially the court. You don't need to confront him. You don't need to go digging for evidence. You just need to start recording your experience, time, date,
what happened and how it impacted you or the kids clean and simple. So what's worth documenting? Missed parenting time, refusals to communicate or co-parent, threats, subtle or direct, times he withholds money or approval just to control, emotional reactions your kids have to time with him, anything that makes you feel unsafe, manipulated or dismissed. Here's what's not worth documenting.
how you felt about something without any context, rants or venting sessions, screenshots out of context with no explanation. Think like you're building a log, not a diary. Keep it neutral, keep it factual, but keep it. Now here's the truth nobody tells you. You might not need this documentation today, but if things escalate and they often do, you will be so glad you have it. I've seen judges shift custody based on detailed documentation.
Taylor Kaspar (02:24.034)
I've seen support orders modified because the record was so clear. I've seen women walk into court with a calm, neutral paper trail and absolutely change the game. Your notes don't just help the court understand what's going on. They help you understand what's going on. They give you power when you feel powerless. If you're not sure where to start or this feels overwhelming, I've got two resources that can help you. First, you can grab my free documentation mini guide.
It'll walk you through what to track and how to do it safely. Or if you're in the middle of a high conflict co-parenting situation, I've opened up early access to the first seven days of my co-parenting journal completely free. It's a daily tool for affirming your piece, recording the chaos and keeping a clear, calm record of what you're dealing with. Both links are in the show notes. And trust me, your future self will be so glad that you took this step. So in the next episode, we're diving into custody.
not just how to think about it, but how to avoid the most common mistakes women make when they're trying to be fair. Spoiler alert, fair doesn't always mean safe. You're doing the work most people avoid. You're playing the long game. And I'm here with you every step of the way. See you in the next one.
