Taylor Kaspar (00:03.182)
Custody isn't about winning, it's about peace and protection. Welcome back to the Secret Podcast. If you've made it to episode four, that means you're really doing this. Not just thinking about divorce, but preparing for it in a way that protects your peace and sets you up for the future you actually want to live. I'm Taylor Wins, divorce coach, divorce attorney, and divorce mom of four. I've been through the emotional landmines of custody, both professionally and personally as well. And I can tell you this.
Custody isn't about winning. It's about protecting what matters most. Your kids, your sanity, and your ability to co-parent without chaos taking over your life. So today, let's talk about how to think clearly about custody without losing your mind in the process. Here's a little secret most people don't know. Courts don't care about who the better parent is. They care about stability, safety, communication, and consistency. They're not in the business of choosing sides.
They're trying to create a structure that serves your children's best interest. The phrase gets thrown around a lot, but it really boils down to which parent is more likely to support the children's wellbeing, including their relationship with the other parent. So if you're gearing up for a custody conversation, focus less on proving he's awful and more on showing what kind of life you're building for your kids. There are two big things to understand when we talk about custody. Every state has some variation of this.
But in Minnesota, they're called legal custody and physical custody slash parenting time. Legal custody is who makes decisions about school, medical care, religion, and that big picture stuff. Physical custody and the parenting time are more about where the child lives and when they're in each person's respective home. In many states, the legal presumption is joint legal custody, which means you need to be ready to collaborate even if your ex is difficult. Here's what I tell my clients to plan for.
What schedule works best for your kids, not just what's fair? Who handles transportation, pickups, school contact? What happens during holidays and school breaks? How decisions will be made and what happens if you disagree? And let me be clear, trying to be nice and agree to something that you know isn't sustainable, that is a trap. Custody agreements need to reflect reality, not wishful thinking.
Taylor Kaspar (02:21.996)
I see this all the time, especially with women who are kind, reasonable, and want to keep things from blowing up. They say things like, I don't want to take the kids away from him. He's their dad. He should get equal time. I'll just give a little more now to avoid a fight. But here's the thing, giving up too much early on can be incredibly hard to undo. And the court is likely to treat whatever you agree to informally as your status quo. If your ex is unsafe,
controlling, emotionally immature, or completely disengaged, you're not doing your kids any favors by pretending he's capable of co-parenting. Being fair doesn't mean ignoring red flags. Being fair means protecting your kids and yourself from harm and instability. Inside my divorce coaching program, we map out exactly what custody and parenting time could look like before you go into mediation or hire a lawyer. We walk through your options.
We plan for your real life, work schedule, emotional load, the kids needs, and we make sure your parenting plan reflects your values, your boundaries, and your reality. If you're stuck between trying to be fair and trying to survive, this is for you. The link to apply for coaching is in the show notes. You don't have to do this guessing. Next episode, we're diving into the thing that causes the most fear and divorce, money. What you'll need, what you're entitled to, and what to do when you're terrified you can't afford to leave.
This is the part no one talks about, what we're going there. You're doing this the smart way, so we'll see you in the next one.
